Sometime about six weeks ago I realized something was wrong. Every single day, I was waking up feeling anxious, depressed, more tired than I had any reason to be, and cloaked by a general weight of hopelessness. It didn’t make any sense. I had a man who loved me deeper and more genuinely than anyone ever has before, a sweet puppy to snuggle, a roof over my head, and food in the fridge. Yes, I was missing other human beings. Of course I was. Who hasn’t been? But the feelings I was wrestling with still weren’t making any sense. So I did what I always did: rolled out of bed, got my coffee, sat down on the couch to do my usual routine. Instagram first, because it always makes me smile. Timehop, then email. Next was Facebook. Oh, hello creeping sense of rage and frustration. Let’s switch to Twitter. Well good morning, disgust, fear, and “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore,” syndrome! Let’s go back to Facebook. Maybe I’ll feel better when I’m not reading tweets about who’s being canceled this week and I’m just comparing myself to everyone posting status updates about how they’re making the most of quarantine and solving world hunger.
Huh. Okay, I’m beginning to see the problem.
It was then that I realized these apps I use to “keep in touch” with people were making me feel worse about my life than I had any right to feel. So I deleted them from my phone. And so, for the past five weeks, I have not scrolled my Facebook feed or checked Twitter tags. And I am stunned at how much lighter I feel. I’ve also realized some things I don’t think I would have realized had I still been so entrenched in the FoMO that kept me scrolling minute after minute.
No One Cares
This sounds like a really harsh and obvious attention seeking statement, but at its very base level, it’s true. No one cares about every little thing I’m thinking in the moment, or what I made for dinner, or that it’s hotter down here than I was prepared for, or that my neighbors are terrible human beings. No. One. Cares. At least, not as much as I do. Any you know what? That’s okay. That’s actually a good thing. If people were hanging on my every typed word, I’d start to question the sanity of my friends and family.
It’s a Waste of Time
Before I took the apps off my phone, not only would I wake up and start scrolling, but I’d scroll if I found myself with a few minutes in between projects, in a moment of writer’s block or needing to let an idea marinate. I’d open the apps in the bathroom, or while making dinner, or if the boyfriend was on his phone, or really, any spare moment I could. Except those moments never just stayed moments. They’d turn into minutes, which quickly add up. It’s embarrassing to say, but I would not be in the least bit surprised if my accumulated time during the day was two or more hours. TWO HOURS. I could have done so much more with that time.
It’s Addictive
I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to stop scrolling and reading, but my brain just kept my finger moving and telling me, “just one more post.” Even when all I was seeing were stupid memes, or political posts, or articles, and none of it contained a real, actual life update from the people I was supposedly on there to keep touch with. I’d find myself opening Twitter in idle moments without even thinking about it because my brain had trained itself to do that. Why? What was I getting out of any of it that was beneficial to me? Nothing, that’s what.
It Kills Self-Confidence
I learned a long time ago that Facebook is where you lie about how great your life is and Twitter is where you just complain about anything, everything, and everyone. Where Twitter depressed me because everyone’s lives were crap, Facebook depressed me because my life wasn’t anywhere near as wonderful as everyone else. I didn’t have the partner* who randomly cleaned the house, got me iced coffee and flowers, made dinner, and had the kids all dressed in matching outfits, family-selfie ready. I didn’t make the perfect meal. I wasn’t making masks or going to protests. I wasn’t raising money for charity, and I certainly wasn’t losing weight. What the heck was I doing with my life? I’m just a fat, lazy, uncaring, gross human being who was a large waste of space. I am not measuring up to anyone on my feed. Clearly, I never would.
It Made me Feel More Homesick Than Not
Y’all, it’s hard moving away from everything and everyone you love to start a life in a totally new place with only one familiar person in your day to day. I thought seeing friends and family, reading about everything they were doing, would make me feel closer to them. And it did for a little while. But then, it made me realize just how far away I was. All the stories I was seeing online, all the pictures, the game nights I was missing (for a few months, anyway)…these things I was seeing on Facebook were things I used to be part of. In person. Sometimes I’d even talk to someone on the phone or over Skype and a subject would come up I didn’t know about. The response would be, “Well I posted it on Facebook.” and that sucked. It hurts, honestly. We’ve stopped communicating with each other the way we were meant to, leaving it up to social media to let people into our lives. It made me feel so much father away from everyone than 1,000 miles.
It Fuels Rage and Anxiety
Have you ever noticed how right everyone is? No one is ever wrong. Myself included. We’re always right, we are incredibly entitled, and no one else’s opinion matters unless it lines up with our own. Anyone who thinks otherwise, anyone who dares to publicly challenge a stated “fact” is then shut down at best, shamed, or, at worst case, ganged up on by a swarm of other indignants to show you just how wrong you are and make you feel like the lowest of the low. The real winners are the ones who say something along the lines of, “You should just kill yourself to rid the world of your stupidity.” Yeah, that’s an actual thing I’ve had thrown at me for disagreeing with an opinion stated on a post they didn’t even write. The internet can be a beautiful place full of knowledge and revelations, but take one step out of place and you wind up in an incredibly toxic universe.
It Takes Me Out of the Moment
So many times I have been experiencing something amazing, terrible, or in between, and my first thought was, “I should post about this.” My thoughts were on my social media accounts, wondering how many likes or comments I’d get if I said whatever inane thing had come to my head that, in the moment, I thought was so brilliant. Instead of enjoying the moment and breathing it in, or sitting with the discomfort of a bad moment, or even just the rare quiet of a down or “boring” moment, I’m missing the moment. It’s passing me by as I type away on my phone. I’m ignoring the beauty that could be found, the revelation in the silence, and the understanding that could come from unrest. Honestly, this was the worst of my realizations.
It Kills Personal Relationships
How many times has someone been talking to you while you’re on your phone and you’ve found yourself going, “Huh…what?" You realize you’re not listening so you click off your phone and put it away, but even then you’re still not really listening because your mind is on the very thing that was distracting you in the first place. How many times have you been on the other end of that and found yourself frustrated over the lack of attention you were being given? Pretty sure we can all raise our hands to both. We’ve stopped “whole-face” listening. Heck, we’re not even half-faced listening most of the time anymore.
FoMO - Fear of Missing Out
I found this more prevalent when it came to Twitter than Facebook. What if I miss something big happening in the news or the entertainment world? What if someone I follow, some editor or agent, says they’re now open to submissions and I miss my chance? What if one of my friends is having a bad day and a silly gif from me could help turn it all around? What if I miss my shot at getting retweeted by someone famous?! I mean! Insert the biggest eye roll in history here. It creates this never ending, ever growing sense of anxiety that I am somehow going to miss out on something immeasurably important if I am not constantly checking my feeds. It’s the need to know everything about everything all the time, and it’s so unhealthy.
It Begs for Word Vomit
When we, as humans, believe we have a platform, we will talk about anything we feel we want to for as long as we can, and without censor. We feel justified in our feelings and opinions, entitled to our thoughts, and justified in sharing them with the world. With righteous indignation to fuel us, we spew out words that harm instead of help, and we feel no remorse. In fact, we’re silently begging for confrontation. The day I found myself getting into an argument with someone on Facebook and refreshing the page every ten seconds to see if they replied so I could leave an even smarter reply, I knew I had a problem.
Social media can bring us together when it’s used correctly. I had hoped with the world in chaos as it is that Facebook and Twitter, all the other social media outlets, would be filled with love, compassion, and support for our fellow human beings. Instead, it has become filled with vitriol and arrogance. And quite honestly, it makes me terribly sad.
Because my new book is being released soon, I’m coming back to the world of social media, but at a very limited capacity. I’m keeping Facebook off my phone and have already cut my list of friends by more than half. I’m going to block certain topics on Twitter and I’m weeding out that list as well. The second I feel myself sliding backward, they’re gone. I have too much to worry about without needlessly adding to it all.
If you’ve never done a social media fast, I encourage you to give it a try. You’ll be amazed at the beauty you find when your eyes aren’t glued to a screen, the words God will whisper in your ear when you’re not listening to another random video, and the in-person relationships that will overshadow the virtual ones.
Before I leave this post, I did promise the one beautiful truth. It actually ties in with number 4 and the little * I left in there. What I realized during this fast was that some of the best moments are the ones you don’t want to share with the world. Or anyone else, for that matter. They’re perfect just as they are and involve exactly who they should, no more and no less. And those are memories I don’t need to share on the internet to always remember.
* For the record, I have an amazing boyfriend who is always looking for ways to make me happy, smile, and feel better about myself just the way I am. I have never felt so blessed in life as I have having him to love and love me back. I would never want that picture perfect family because, man, can you imagine the upkeep?