Y’all, it’s been a year. I will say it again, it has been a year! Now, I know there are still three months to go but three months ago I felt like I’d been through enough for an entire year already, maybe even two. There have been some really sweet, positive things to happen in 2019, but the sad fact of the matter is that there were far more negative moments than not. It’s been a wonderful and rare day that provided no stress, worry, or heavy burden to carry. Because of this, it’s become entirely too easy for me to focus on those negative things in my day.
Now, I’ve been in recovery groups long enough to know the actual science behind negative thinking. It is not unlike addiction itself, burrowing new pathways into your brain that soon become deeper than those that lean toward the positive. Before you know it, you see all the things that are bad and wrong far easier than all the beautiful moments peppered throughout the days. And the more you complain, the more you obsess, the more you see more dark than light.
I have fallen victim to this. If asked, I could name at least ten things each day that suck, or have gone wrong, or have irritated me. Heck, you don’t even have to ask me and I’ll gladly name them for you.
When did I become this person? This is not who I used to be. It’s not who I want to be now. No wonder I’ve been so depressed and anxious. I’m so hyper-focused on all the things that are “bad” that it’s become all I see. I used to be this optimistic, bubbly, happy person. I miss her. I’m sure those I keep close miss her, too.
In the spirit of trying to get back to that person I once was, I’m starting something I’m calling “Project Grateful.” I’m sure it’s been used before and many times over, but this is me not caring.
I started a journal last year where I’d list positive things as they happened. The habit never actually formed so my updates are few and far between. I’m going to try writing in it again. Every day. Even on the hard ones. Especially on the hard ones. I want to reform positive neuro pathways and fill in the negative ones. Not only am I going to use my journal but I’m going to take a picture a day so I have a way to look back in a more tangible way when I’m struggling to find my positivity.
If you’re interested in following along, I’ll be posting pics on my Instagram which will also go to my Twitter. I encourage you to join in and do your own project. You’ll be surprised how quickly your attitude and point of view change.